Only One Life To Live

By Patti Fralix

Most magazines this time of the year have articles on two subjects: goal setting (often called New Year’s Resolutions) and getting organized. While these are important subjects, there is one even more important subject than these … your life. Not your spouse’s or your children’s lives, or any other personal or professional individual for whom you have any responsibility. You have just spent the holidays focusing on everyone else but you. So now let’s talk about you. 

In the past few months, many of you have stitched or bought wonderful Halloween costumes for your little ones. You have cleaned and entertained family, friends, and colleagues from Thanksgiving through New Year’s. Both women and men have made these holidays and all that surround them their priorities, often failing to focus on their own needs. You have a right to be exhausted. If you need to, take the month of January to recover. Don’t do anything you don’t have to do. There are many things you do have to do, even though it may be tempting to run away. Well, obviously, you will do those. But give yourself the luxury of taking on no additional unnecessary commitments in the month of January. You are probably maxed-out already. Go to bed earlier. Eat better. Slow down. These three have certainly suffered in the last few months. Do not join anything new, including a new exercise facility. Maybe you do plan to join a new exercise facility to get off some added pounds from the recent feeding frenzies, but do that in February. Take the month of January to truly focus on your one life to live, and decide what priorities and activities most deserve your attention and commitment.

I can hear some of you already thinking, “I can’t do that.” Reread the previous paragraph. What really is in there that you can’t do? If you focus and really think through the areas of your life that you really want to change, then move slowly towards them; it is likely that you will be more successful. Most people start a new eating plan or rev-up with exercise right after the holidays, only to fall off that wagon as quickly as they got on it. Be smarter than that. Begin slowly and deliberately. 

Come February, you should be ready to get serious about whatever it is you want to change. Change – most likely behavioral change – is really what we are talking about. Behavior change is the most difficult change of all. Habits are easy to acquire and hard to break. Do not for a minute believe that it takes 30 days to change your habits. It takes much longer than that. Changing anything requires that we must want what we don’t have significantly more than holding on to what’s not working. We are creatures of habit, and the minute we stop the “daily disciplines,” we are right back to where we were. A recent example in my own life magnifies this point. We renovated our kitchen recently and I am still moving things around to find the most efficient, most logical place for various items. Two months ago I had placed the aluminum foil and plastic wrap in one drawer. After using that drawer for no more than two or three weeks, I discovered that this particular drawer was not the best place for those items and moved them to another drawer. I still go back to that drawer many times looking for those items, instead of the one they have been in for two months now. Habits die hard, especially when they are new ones. Make sure your desire to change is stronger than the natural inclination to revert to old ways. If you don’t put some structure in place for these changes, most likely you will not be able to maintain your commitment. Determining the appropriate structure for your desired change takes time. Take that time in January. February is for cementing your change process. 

March may come in roaring like a lion. The first signs of spring should appear and you should be well on your way to anchoring your daily disciplines for whatever change you have in process. It may be tempting to quit, slow down, or alter in such a way that your beginning habits are compromised. Boredom may set in. Also, spring brings different routines … one of those being the desire to change! If you change too quickly, you could be right back where you started. If something isn’t working for you, of course, don’t keep at it just to keep your commitment to yourself. When you change, however, go back to the beginning, truly reflecting on what structure is needed for your desire to be realized. 

By the time April showers bring May flowers, you will be well on your way to being your best self. Your one life to live will be enhanced by your focus on yourself. When you focus on yourself, you are better prepared to focus on family, whether that family is personal or work. Don’t think about the recent holiday season as the only time of giving. Giving to yourself, especially the gift of time and attention, is also important. Then you have more to give, and can give to those others that are important to you. 

Patti Fralix inspires positive change in work, life, and family through speaking, consulting, and coaching. She is founder and president of The Fralix Group, Inc., a leadership excellence firm based in Raleigh. She can be reached at pfralix@fralixgroup.com.