Good Etiquette For 37¢

By Laura Neal Williams

Personal correspondence is an easy habit to fall into and once started, can easily create an amazingly personal intimate connection with a loved one, long-time friend, or relative.

e live life much faster than our parents’ generation. I certainly appreciate many of the benefits that come with a 24/7 Internet-based world. I shop, book travel, order books, and stay in touch with friends and family online. While these conveniences can’t be ignored, I do think we’ve lost something along the way. 

Staying connected via e-mail is easy and enables us to quickly touch base with people we know and care about. But unfortunately, I think it lacks the charm of the personal note. Yes, a handwritten note, addressed and stamped, is slower than e-mail and takes more time, but I think the trade off is worth it. Personal notes are just that … personal. They say “I care enough about you to sit down, take pen in hand, and write a note specific to you about something I think you’ll care about, find interesting, or cherish.” E-mail simply cannot replicate this, no matter how clever the background, font, or smiley faces you use. Think about the way you felt the last time you received a personal note in the mail and how it made you smile, think of the sender, and remember something shared between you. 

It’s not just personal correspondence that’s been lost to the simplicity of e-mail. A few months back, I received a letter from a friend telling us that her family had moved. This friend and I have a lot of history, so staying in touch with her is important. I understand that when people move, they have a lot on their plates. Schools, playmates, neighbors, social groups, and life patterns change. Unfortunately, the e-mail was deleted and I wasn’t able to mail her our Christmas card last year or send her a note when I heard that her grandmother had passed. Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I save “we’ve moved” cards in my address book; however, I didn’t print out the e-mail and now we can’t connect.

Another bit of etiquette that seems to have fallen out of favor over the past several years is “thank-you” notes. With three kids myself, I know that these can take time and effort – but you have to consider how much time and effort went into the gift selection, its wrapping, and their attending the party or event. 

When talking about etiquette, I usually find it helpful to refer to what Emily Post has to say on a given topic. Ms. Post writes in Etiquette, “The most important qualifications of a thank-you note is that it sound sincere and that it is written promptly. This is particularly important when gifts are shipped to you and the donor has no way of knowing if you received the gift or not.” In writing thank-you notes, Ms. Post suggests that you use a style with which you’re comfortable, in language you would use in a conversation. I also think it’s a nice touch to mention how the gift impacts you or, if you’re writing for your child, how it’s been received. Ms. Post also suggests that if you give a gift and don’t receive a thank you after three months, it is completely appropriate to inquire if the gift was received or not. She states that if it embarrasses the recipient, that’s fine, since it is “inexcusable to not thank a donor” and since that person “was exercising bad manners.” 

Personal correspondence is an easy habit to fall into and once started, can easily create an amazingly personal and intimate connection with a loved one, long-time friend, or relative. It shows you cared enough to make the effort and that they are important enough to spend the 37¢.

Laura Neal Williams owns InkSpot Stationers with locations in downtown Wake Forest and the Falls Village Shopping Center. More information can be found online at <www.inkspotstationers.com>.