A Season for Connecting ... and Re-Connecting

By Laura Neal Williams

As the year winds down and we begin to rev up for the holidays, we should all take the time to reflect on what we’ve gained over the last 12 months, and what we’ve lost. 

If your family is anything like mine, you might have moved during the last year or had close friends or family relocate to new cities, friendships, car pools, etc. I find the end of the year presents an easy way to stay connected with people that have moved out of our immediate circle. While it’s inevitable that some relationships will fade over time, it doesn’t mean that they are not still interested in how your life is progressing.

We have three kids and have used photo cards as a primary mechanism to let friends know how our family has grown and changed over the last year. Personally, I keep the photo cards sent by friends and family until I receive the next one the following year. Nieces, nephews, cousins, and godchildren make it to the refrigerator and the rest become part of a photo fan that sits in the guest room. This ensures that if anyone visits during the year, they see from this room that they are still important to us and that we value the fact they keep us in their loop.

I also like to use the spirit of the season to give gifts that help my friends and I stay in touch during the year … personalized stationery. For me, it’s a chance to pick something that I know they’ll like, add their name, monogram, or initials, and send with a note that expresses my hope that we’ll stay in touch during the coming year. Given the wide variety of images, themes, colors, and cost points, personalized stationery also makes great gifts for nieces, nephews, and other young family members as a way to get them involved in the routine of social correspondence. With the advent of e-mail, text, and instant messaging, a gift of personalized stationery can help preserve the art and simple elegance of staying connected in full sentences, not text code and slang. 

Now the holidays are full of events – from end-of-year activities to parties, cookie swaps, church functions, bunco gift swaps, etc. – that allow you to connect with friends for both you and your family. Whether you like to host parties or gatherings or simply attend, it’s a great time to stay connected and give yourself some sanity during the hectic holiday season. People love to dress up, decorate (either themselves or their cookies!), and celebrate the season. I always anticipate getting invitations to the events I look forward to all year.

Invitations and how to respond to them can sometimes be tricky, but it doesn’t need to be. According to Emily Post, whether it is to a wedding, a dinner party, shower, or gala event, an invitation comes with some important obligations. Here’s Ms. Post’s quick guide to keep you on the guest list. 

• RSVP
From the French, it means “Répondez, s’il vous plaît,” or, “Please reply.” This little code has been around for a long time and it’s definitely telling you that your hosts want to know if you are attending. Reply promptly, within a day or two of receiving an invitation 
• How do I respond? Reply in the manner indicated on the invitation.
– RSVP and no response card: A handwritten response to the host at the return address on the envelope. 
– Response Card: Fill in and reply by the date indicated and return in the enclosed envelope. 
– RSVP with phone number: Telephone and make sure to speak in person; answering machines can be unreliable. 
– RSVP with e-mail: You may accept or decline electronically. 
– Regrets only: Reply only if you cannot attend. If your host doesn’t hear from you, he or she is expecting you.
– No reply requested? Unusual, but it is always polite to let someone know your intentions. A phone call is sufficient. 
• Is that your final answer?
– Changing a “yes” to a “no” is only acceptable on account of: Illness or injury, a death in the family, or an unavoidable professional or business conflict. Call your hosts immediately. 
– Canceling because you have a “better” offer is a sure fire way to get dropped from future guest lists. 
– Being a “no show” is unacceptable. 
– Changing a “no” to a “yes” is okay only if it will not upset the hosts’ arrangements.
• “May I bring…?” 
– Don’t even ask! An invitation is extended to the people the hosts want to invite – and no one else. 
– … a date. Some invitations indicate that you may invite a guest or date (“Mr. John Evans and Guest”) and when you reply, you should indicate whether you are bringing someone, and convey their name. 
– … my children. If they were invited, the invitation would have said so. 
– … my houseguest. It’s best to decline the invitation, stating the reason. This gives your host the option to extend the invitation to your guests or not. 

A question I’m often asked is when and what makes an appropriate gift when attending holiday parties. A small gift for the host or hostess is always appreciated, but never required. If you decide to bring something, it’s always fun to tie the gift in with the party theme, or if the hostess is a close friend, something you know he or she will particularly enjoy. For instance, if your friend is hosting a holiday wine tasting, a fun wine topper or opener makes a great gift. Make sure that your gift is festively wrapped. I keep a drawer of scraps – remnants of fabric, pieces of wire edged ribbon, small clear cellophane bags, and even stickers – to decorate small presents. 

The general guideline, however, is that food or wine, when brought as a gift, should not be consumed immediately, but put aside, to be opened at a later time. And remember, a hostess gift should be a treat for the hosts, not a last-minute crisis for them. For instance, bringing cut flowers is not recommended, because it often leaves the host scrambling to find a vase right when she or he should instead be at the door welcoming guests.

You can also always tailor the gift to the hosts’ interests if they are close friends – a packet of seeds in a painted flower pot for an avid gardener or travel journal for the person you know is about to set off on a fantastic trip. 

Remember, host and hostess gifts are not obligatory. They are, however, thoughtful gestures that show appreciation for the effort and hospitality of your hosts. A little thought put into your gift shows you took the time to think about them and will help you stay connected for years to come. 

Laura Neal Williams owns InkSpot Stationers with locations in downtown Wake Forest and the Falls Village Shopping Center. More information can be found online at <www.inkspotstationers.com>.